Nagging...

Looking forward, I really hope I can say goodbye to all the sadness & unhappiness that I had experienced.

The recent betrayal by a friend really made me unhappy. He was a good friend of mine. I treated him as if he is my own real brother. Earlier this year, he suggested a business plan to open a cafe concept restaurant. He had asked a few friends and myself to invest in the business. Discussions went on and on... In the end, 3 other friends who knew him for 10+ years and myself had came to an agreement to invest in the business.

The terms was to invest the money and we will all be sleeping partners. He(manager) will be the one to run the show. We will check through all the account books to make sure everything is running properly. It was back in June, we were so happy that everything was up and running. Although we were not the one who ran the show, but we did play our part in bringing this little baby of us to this world.

Operation ran well at the beginning... Everything started to get weird after a month. Business was pretty good. Coz, the chef was really good. The manager fired the chef and his helper for some reasons that I still unable to find out up til today. Then, the manager closed the cafe for renovations that took 3 weeks. All these happened without notifying all the other share holders.(disappointment = +2, let's make 10 the max point =,=")

After the renovations, cafe ran for business for 1 week+. Then, closed for the reason of he needs to go KL to collect some information to improve the business. (Finally, I was informed earlier...) He told me he will need 4 days to be in KL. Cafe will be opened on the day 5. I agreed, other share holders respected my decision and agreed on this too.

Day 5 was actually Hari Raya eve. I was informed by other share holders... He was back in town, but the cafe was still closed. I asked him why, he said business was bad, he was trying to safe costs on the operation & utilities. And he had asked me to go for a meeting to discuss about the business. (disappointment = +4)

It was on Raya 3, I finally had time to meet up with him and other share holders to discuss about our business. He brought up the issues on man power and how much effort he put in for the cafe. I had actually asked for 1 very simple request. I wanted to see the account books. The reason was simple, because he had requested help from us (more funding, permission to do extra changes on the renovations and other stuff). As business partners, we needed to know how was the business, how much funds we still have. Before we actually make any decision.

And yet, he was only able to provide us with 2 plastic bags of cash register machines printouts of daily sales summary. 2 big ring files & another plastic bags full with all the cash bills, invoices & receipts for all the expenses. (disappointment = +6)

The other share holders had asked me for another meeting on making decisions without his presence. During the meeting, they had feedback to me regarding all the operation & management issues they had observed during my absence (I am based else where). A lot of things went very wrong according to him. I had spoken to other friends who went to the cafe before. They had confirmed the statements from my other business partners... (disappointment = +8) I wanted to actually defend him, coz I had trusted him for so long... But, I couldn't...

The meeting brought out only 1 result. It's either he is out of the business or us. I became the communication man for the both parties. Coz, they couldn't talk to each other anymore... He made up his mind. And agreed on passing everything to me on the following day. I felt guilty... (disappointment = +6)

The next day, I met him up, picked up all the documents, petty cash, keys etc... We agreed that everything will be calculated and split his share out to return to him. I felt sad...

Few days later, calculations completed. Total income and expenses doesn't tally with our total invested amount. I was shocked... This only shows that he cheated on us. We were the friends who trusted him as much as a family member. (disappointment = +10)

Last weekend, I had requested him to give me an explanation(face to face, just the 2 of us), I was still hoping he had missed out some other expenses that were not included in the records. He didn't answer me, he was still saying a lot of things that I didn't want to hear. I requested him to meet with other partners. He wasn't able to give me a confirmed time or even date... In the end, I went for a few drinks... He went separate ways....

During my drinking sessions, he finally sms me that he would like to meet the others and have some discussions. I was tied up that time, so I told both parties to meet up first. I will be there asap. When I reached the meeting, I was informed that he had admitted that he had never took his part of money out. He cheated on us on the very first place.... (disappointment = 10 + 100!!!)

Stories went on and on... But, I don't wanna talk about it anymore... I was hurt... I am still feeling the pain, there were anger deep in my heart... But, in the end, the sorrow, the sadness took over my anger... I don't know how I am going to face this man anymore...

心如刀割...

每一次呼吸... 居然是那麼的沉重...
每一次心跳... 是那樣的刺痛...

分手的原因, 居然就是為了一句她不夠好...
可是我從來沒有埋怨過...

傷口才剛剛結疤,如今再次撕裂... 痛徹心霏...
兩個人都不好過, 但願這次的決定不會是個錯誤...

萬分的捨不得這一段感情...

Memories...

I am still recovering from the pain deep in side my heart. I recieved the news on Wednesday afternoon. Thursday morning the first thing I did was rushed back to office. Told my boss I am going on leave for 2 days due to this. Right after I got his approval, I sent my car for maintenance. Right after it was fixed, I packed my stuff and drove all the way to KL. I had to be there to see her at least one last time. But, deep in my heart I was still hoping this is not real.

I finally made it at KL around 8pm, after a quick dinner with my cousin. I contacted Siew Moi who actually brought me to the Nirvana Memorial Park. I need her to bring me there. I don't know the way. =,=" Thank you Siew Moi for being so helpful, I couldn't have made it without your help.

I was there paying my final respect to my dearest cyber sister. That is the moment that I finally accepted she has left. Looking at her, lying in the coffin, quietly... I held those tears in my eyes. I do not want to cry in front of her.

I met up with her family, her bf. We talked about her and those moments we had together. They told me about the illness she had been suffering since she was 3 months old...

Thalassemia - is an inherited autosomal recessive blood disease. In thalassemia, the genetic defect results in reduced rate of synthesis of one of the globin chains that make up hemoglobin. Reduced synthesis of one of the globin chains can cause the formation of abnormal hemoglobin molecules, and this in turn causes the anemia which is the characteristic presenting symptom of the thalassemias.

According to them, she was really lucky to have survived all these years. I searched my memories and found nothing at all. She had kept this as a little secret fir herself. Without letting any of her friends know. She was so thoughtful... She knew that we will be worry about her after knowing all these. None of her friend, including me as her "Kai Kor" didn't even know about this.

A petite girl nearing the Big 3 0 a girl who love her life a girl who treasure her life (very much) a girl who love her shoes (it's never enough) a girl who work hard and play harder (always) a girl who love to travel and shop (which girl doesn't) a girl who love cooking and eating .... and the list goes on and on ..... <-- This is how she had described herself in her blog. What I can tell you about her is that she is really the way she had described herself.

Still, I am feeling sad. But, I never regreted having her as one of my closest friends. Everytime I went to Kl. She was always on the top of my contact list. No matter what activiy we were together, it was always a great pleasure. I miss her... And she will be in my heart forever. Someone that I will never forget - Olivia Chong (1979 - 2009). Cheers... my dearest sis, here are your favourite drinks.

In memory of Olivia Chong

Olivia... Can't really remember how long we knew each other... It was in tarc channel in MIRC chatting room. It was like we spoke to each other using plain text for a few times... And yet, for the passed 12 years, she was my only cyber sis that I always meet up from time to time. And as we got to know each other better, we found so much in common between both of us.

We went through a lot of good times and bad times together. I last spoke to her over the phone 2 weeks ago, and I met her on msn about 3-4 days back we were still talking about my trip to KL next month.... I can't stop thinking about her, she was really a lovely girl. To me, she is really like a family member. Whenever I had the chance to goto KL, we will meet up for a tea, a meal or even a few beers. We both had so much in common, we enjoyed the same food, drinks, movies, music, and even using the same model of handphone without knowing each other is actually using that one already.

Today afternoon, her bf sms me about this. I was in shock... I went knocked out for a moment... Was that a joke? It can't be, it's not 1st of April, I double checked my handphone and watch to make sure I was reading it right. I was working, it was like everything had just stopped. I just couldn't think properly. I rushed out from 1 of my outlet and went into my van. I called her number. Steve(her bf) picked up... In my mind, there is a voice saying this is not right, no no no...

After a short talk, I knew I have to face it. I feel sad, yes I am... I continued working til just now. And now I am still looking at her pictures, I had to admit that this is the first time ever I had actually feel the pain, the sadness within...

Dear sis, I really miss you. And I always will. I missed those good time we had together. I missed the feeling of calling you up and talking over the phone. I missed those moments we went for movies together, moments we went for good food, moments we went for a good cup of coffee or tea, moments we went for good parties. I really wish if there is a second life, let's be brother and sister again. I hope perhaps when it is my time, I will see you again...

Love,
Fox aka Jack